Allow me to introduce myself.
All you 90's kids who used to have shitty Packard Bell 64MB RAM PC's (or just shit PC's) will remember a game called SkiFree. I like to think of it as the most addictive thing one can do with one hand administered straight to the brain aside from street-grade meth-amphetamine and dutch rudders (an absolute treat, though unlike SkiFree, it takes two to tango.)
Anyway, so. I'm sure you remember playing in 3-minute bursts, over and over, because your skier ass kept getting devoured by that really fast grey motherfucker. Unless you finally figured it out and went diagonally... but then he'd just eat you again.
Yeah well, suck shit. That really fast grey motherfucker is me!
hullo :)
And it wasn't a game. Every different unique game you play in SkiFree is a different story of how an unsuspecting Alp holidayer got too deep into my neck of the woods and so I got deep into THEIR neck!... and got wood.
But those days are over. Its been just about 15 years since I was up to my dilly-danders. But I've settled down now. Mind you, I'm still a aeons-old virgin. Kinda sucks, but theres no such thing as a free lunch these days, know what I'm sayin' homes?
So, here I am. Stay the night, and I'll make you some pancakes and bring a Swiss Miss for you in the morning. Oh yeah I'll make some hot chocolate as well (HAIYO!). I'll promise the first story of my exploits.
Yours truly,
The SkiFree Yeti,
Abominable Snow Monster M.D
... aka Cool Runnings.
